Starting Therapy - Taking the first steps
Starting therapy can feel frightening
You might have arrived at this page as you are considering counselling but feel unsure or nervous about taking that step to reach out. From my own experiences of accessing therapy, I know how challenging it can be. Choosing who to see, making initial contact, and attending the first session may seem overwhelming or scary.
I wanted to write this article to share my own experiences of starting therapy so you can see the process I went through. Your journey may be different from mine. However, reading other people’s stories can sometimes be helpful when it comes to making decisions or starting something new.
Where can I find a Counsellor?
My first challenge in starting personal therapy was “Who do I see?” An online search for counsellors brought up numerous results. that felt quite overwhelming. If you have done this yourself you will probably know what I mean!
I didn’t know whether to pick someone based on their location, how friendly they looked in their photo, how qualified they were or some other factor. I
If you are already feeling overwhelmed or struggling, it can take a huge effort to try and sift through the list and make a choice.
How do I make first contact?
Once I had decided on a therapist I wanted to try, I wondered how I should contact them. Would they want me to call, text or email?
Then, I started to ask myself, ‘What would I say in that initial contact?’ and ‘How much should I share? Should it be brief or will they want more detail?’
At this point, I was overthinking the whole thing. In the end, I just took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and decided to just go with the flow. I rang and left a voice mail with my details. When the counsellor called me back I just mentioned I was training and I felt it would be useful to have some therapy myself. We arranged an appointment and it was as simple as that. No awkward questions or feeling I had to go into any detail on the phone.
I realise now, there is no right or wrong way to make that first contact. I find most people email or contact me by the webform on my website. However, leaving a voice mail or sending a text message is equally okay. We all have preferences on how we like to contact services. Go with the one you feel most comfortable with.
As to how much to say? Again, it varies from person to person. You could reach out and request more information, ask me a question, or give a brief overview of the issue and/or what you are looking for from therapy.
The first session
Now I had booked an initial appointment there was the matter of actually having that first session. I felt nervous as I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d read the counsellor’s profile but what would a session with them be like? A profile can only say so much. Will I connect with them and their style of working and is this going to be someone I will feel comfortable with?
In my own counselling practice, I feel it’s important for you to know that there is no obligation beyond the first session. If we are to work together on your issues, it is important we both feel I am the right person to do this and that I work in a style that suits you. If it doesn’t feel right for you that is okay. We all have different needs and preferences. When it comes to therapy it is important you find the right person for you.
At the end of the initial session, I would give the option to go away and think about it or to book another one. You might want some time to process the session or try another therapist so you have something to compare. If you want time to consider what to do next there is no time pressure to make a decision. You could get back to me in a few days, a few years’ time, or not at all.
Attending the first session can bring up a range of feelings. I was both excited and afraid. Excited to be doing something that could be beneficial for me but nervous about what the first session would be like. I didn’t know how I was going to feel about sharing personal information with someone who was a stranger. Where would I even start and how much would I be expected to share?
With experience, I realise there is no right and wrong about how much I needed to share about myself. Counselling is a process and it can take time to feel comfortable and develop trust in the therapist.
In my own practice, I want you to feel that we are moving at a pace that feels right for you. There is no expectation that you dive straight into what might be difficult emotions or experiences. You can if you want to and if that feels okay for you. However, I recognise that just attending that session can be a big step and it might be a matter of talking about smaller issues or discussing how you feel about attending the first session. If I ask you anything you don’t want to answer, please let me know. I will sometimes ask questions to try and help facilitate the process. However, if the answer feels too overwhelming, my question is irrelevant or you just don’t want to answer it, let me know. I will not be offended. It is important that you feel understood and comfortable in your sessions.
I remember feeling apprehensive the morning of my initial counselling appointment. Yet when I met my therapist for the first time I felt reassured by his warm smile and his effort to put me at ease. I was surprised by how much I was able to share during that initial session. I felt this was someone who I could be open with, someone I could develop trust with, and who could support me through my inner work. I went on to book further sessions.
Final words
Having my own counselling was an invaluable experience for me both personally and professionally. If I was to pick two main things I gained from therapy they would be:
Personally - I became more confident and assertive.
Professionally - It showed me how much courage it can take to be a client.
I hope that if you decide to take a step into accessing therapy, you will also find it an equally beneficial experience.
I have an FAQ page if you are wanting more detailed information about contacting me or the format of the first session.
If you have any questions or feel anxious about starting therapy, please get in contact with me. I’m happy to answer your questions and open to suggestions on how I could try to help you feel more at ease in taking that first step.