Tips for dealing with homesickness
I wanted to write an article on homesickness as it is a common thing to experience when leaving home. The information and coping tips are relevant to the majority of people struggling with homesickness. However, it is mainly aimed at students who are a long way from home.
I hope you find the tips and suggestions help to ease some of your homesickness symptoms.
What causes homesickness?
Leaving home is a big step to take. If you are moving out of your local area you may be leaving behind your network of friends and family. People you’ve known for many years. You also leave behind your routine, your favourite places and the feeling of familiarity.
As humans, we have a need for connection and we gain a sense of safety from the familiar. Leaving home has the potential to impact both of these things.
What are the symptoms of homesickness?
Homesickness symptoms vary from person to person. It is any symptom of emotional distress that is due to being in an unfamiliar environment. You may feel one or more of the following:
Sadness
Grief
Longing
Anxiety
Anger;
Low mood;
Insomnia or sleep disturbances;
Difficulty concentrating;
Numbness.
When can feelings of homesickness start?
Before you leave home
The Collins Dictionary gives the definition of homesick as feeling ‘unhappy because you are away from home and are missing your family, friends, and home very much.’
Yet it’s possible to experience anticipatory homesickness. This starts before even leaving home. It is a feeling of grief or sadness at what you will be leaving behind.
Soon after leaving home
Some people experience homesickness as soon as they leave home or very soon after. When the reality that you are in a new place suddenly hits.
A couple of weeks or months after leaving home
It is not uncommon for homesickness to develop a few weeks or a couple of months after leaving home. At first, being somewhere new may feel novel and exciting. It may feel as if you are on holiday as you get to know your local area.
If you are a student, those first weeks will be filled with fresher’s events, department talks and meeting new people.
It is only as things seem to settle, and the initial excitement wears off, that some people then begin to start missing home.
How long does homesickness last?
It varies from person to person. Some people may only experience it for a few days. Although research suggests it is more common for it to last between three months and a year.
Homesickness for International students
If you are an international student there may be additional factors adding to your homesickness:
Cultural differences;
Language barriers;
Being a long way from friends & family;
Environmental differences e.g. climate, sounds, plants.
You might find it useful to join a society for International students. You may be able to meet people from the same country you are from. You might also be able to talk to others who may also be experiencing similar challenges that are leading to homesickness.
How to deal with homesickness
Recognise that it is normal to feel homesick
You may feel alarmed by your symptoms. Maybe even giving yourself a hard time for feeling this way. However, homesickness is a natural reaction to a change in environment and routine. Recognise that what you are experiencing is normal and that for most people it will get easier and pass. Hopefully, acknowledging this will offer you some reassurance and allow you to ride out these feelings.
If you have started university. There is a good chance that the majority of other new students will also be feeling homesick in the first few days, weeks or months. Try not to pressure yourself to feel as if you ‘should’ be having an amazing time. It may seem as if everyone around you is having lots of fun. Yet you will not be the only one who is homesick. Different people tend to deal with it and show it in different ways.
It takes time to settle somewhere new
It can take time to settle into a new environment, a different routine and to build a new network of friends. Moving away from home is a major life event.
As time passes things will feel less new and become more familiar. You may find at some point, as you become more connected with your local community, you feel less homesick. I’m not saying you won’t miss things and people from home, but it will hopefully become less intense.
If you find your homesickness doesn’t lift after a period of time or it becomes unbearable you may want to consider reaching out for help. Whether that be from trusted friends, family members or a professional.
Home comforts
Personalise your room or new home with items that are comforting and homely. That may include adding pot plants, cushions, and posters. You may want to bring items from home, like your favourite blanket, photos, posters or your teddy bear. You will be surprised how many other people move their soft toys with them. Having familiar items around you may feel comforting as you adjust to your new environment.
Plan a trip home
Knowing you have a date to visit home might be helpful. Even if for practical matters that date seems a long way away, it might become comforting to see that date getting closer. It may also serve as a reminder that you don’t have to be away from home indefinitely. That at some point you will be able to catch up with friends and family in person and be able to visit your favourite places back home.
Contacting people back home
This is a tricky one. It can be helpful to keep connected with people back home. However, too much contact may not be so helpful. Being in constant contact with home doesn’t give you time to adjust to your new setting. It may just remind you of what you are missing. Being in contact with home may also feel easier and safer than putting yourself out there and meeting new people. It’s finding a balance between keeping your connections with those you care for and are close to back home and setting into your life at uni. Notice how often you contact home and how you feel about this. Then try more frequently or less frequently. See what feels more comfortable for you.
Keep busy
Keeping busy can help to distract you from homesickness as well as help you to settle in. I don’t mean the kind of busy where you burn yourself out. A kind of busyness that is filled with things that are helpful to you and you enjoy. Whether that be taking a walk to connect with nature or doing something creative.
Joining societies or clubs can be a great way to meet like-minded people as well as give you an opportunity to build on previous interests or embrace new ones.
Getting support
Support at University
Some universities offer pastoral and academic support to those that are experiencing difficulties.
At Durham University the colleges have Assistant Principals. It might be helpful to let them know if you’re struggling with homesickness.
Most Universities will have a time-limited counselling service.
Support if you moved for other reasons
Do you have a trusted friend or family member you could call?
If you moved in with someone, are you able to share with them how you feel?
If you are struggling at work, try speaking to your manager;
Speak to your GP if you are struggling to cope.
Private Therapy
A therapist can offer you the space to make sense of what you’re going through, find ways of coping and feel supported through a major life transition.