Feeling Homesick?
Homesickness is something many people experience when they leave home. The information and coping strategies in this blog apply to anyone feeling homesick. However, this blog includes information specific to students who may be living far from home for the first time.
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1. About Homesickness
1a. What Causes Homesickness?
Leaving home is a big step that involves uncertainty and change. If you're moving away from your local area, you may be leaving behind your network of friends and family, who have been a major part of your life for many years. You may also be leaving behind your usual routines, your favourite places, and the feelings of comfort and safety that familiarity can provide.
As humans, we need to feel connected with others and have a sense of belonging. Often, a sense of safety comes from having access to familiar surroundings and certain routines. Connection and familiarity can often help us to feel grounded and secure. When someone leaves home, especially to a different area, it can be a major upheaval and a period of adjustment. It takes time to establish new routines and form close relationships.
Homesickness for International Students
If you are an international student, there may be additional factors that contribute to the experience and intensity of feeling homesick. Some of these might include:
- Cultural differences.
- Language barriers.
- Being far from friends and family.
- Environmental differences such as the climate, sounds, smells, or surroundings.
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1b. What are the Symptoms of Homesickness?
Homesickness refers to the emotional distress from being in an unfamiliar environment. It can affect people in different ways, but some of the common symptoms often include one or more of the following:
- Sadness.
- Grief.
- A sense of longing.
- Anxiety.
- Anger or irritability.
- Low mood.
- Feeling overwhelmed.
- Difficulties falling asleep or staying asleep.
- Trouble concentrating.
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Feeling lonely or isolated.
- Feeling emotionally numb.
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1c. When Can Feelings of Homesickness Start?
Before Leaving
Feeling homesick can start even before you actually leave, and is sometimes referred to as anticipatory homesickness. The thought of leaving behind what and who you know can trigger feelings of fear and grief.
Once the move has taken place, the anticipation may be replaced with excitement of the new environment. For others, the feeling of homesickness continues and might include feeling isolated or lonely.
Some people may fluctuate between excitement and homesickness.
Soon After Leaving
Some people experience homesickness shortly after arriving at the new place. When the reality of being somewhere unfamiliar suddenly hits. A new place can bring with it new sounds, smells, sights, and people.
Sometimes people may experience a 'honeymoon' period, where it feels exciting to meet new people, explore new surroundings, and have new experiences.
A Couple of Weeks or Months After Leaving
It's also common for homesickness to appear a few weeks or several months later. At first, being somewhere new may feel exciting and full of potential. It may feel as if you are on holiday as you get to explore the new area and meet new people. It is only then, once things begin to seem more familiar and routine, that homesickness starts.
If you are a student, those first few weeks will often be busy with fresher events, welcome talks, and navigating the local area. Then, as things settle and the initial excitement fades, some people start to feel homesick.
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1d. How Long does Homesickness Last?
Feeling homesick can impact people for different lengths of time. Some people may only experience it for a few days, but for others it can continue for a few months or more. If homesickness doesn't seem to be shifting or becomes difficult to manage, I'd encourage you to reach out to someone, whether that be a trusted friend, family member, or a professional.
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2. How to Manage Homesickness
2a. Recognise that it is normal to feel homesick
Homesickness can often feel overwhelming or concerning. You might even criticise yourself for feeling this way. Yet, homesickness is a natural response to moving to a new environment and away from the people you know. Leaving somewhere is a major life transition, and it's not surprising if you're finding it challenging.
Acknowledging that what you're going through is normal can sometimes make your experience less frightening and allow you to be kinder to yourself.
For many people, the feeling of homesickness will fade as they become settled into new routines, make new friends, and become familiar with the new environment. However, if you find yourself struggling or the feelings persist, you might want to reach out to someone for support.
If you are a student who has moved away for University, you won't be the only one experiencing homesickness. Many students experience some level of homesickness that might begin before starting Uni (anticipatory homesickness), on arrival, or after the first few days, weeks or months.
It might appear as if everyone else around you is having fun and is settling in quickly. However, homesickness isn't always obvious, with many people either keeping their feelings private, showing them in different ways, or fluctuating between feeling okay and not feeling okay. Try not to pressure yourself into feeling a certain way and seek support when needed.
2b. It takes time to settle somewhere new
Moving away from home is a significant life event. It involves a period of adjustment, as you're exposed to a new environment, changes to your normal routine, and surrounded by new people.
As time passes, things will start to feel more familiar and new routines may form. You may gradually build new friendships and feel connected with your local community. As you become more settled, the feelings of homesickness might start to feel less intense and fade.
Everyone is different when it comes to how long it takes to feel settled somewhere new. Some people adjust quickly, whereas others take more time.
If homesickness continues for a long time or you feel overwhelmed by it, you might find it helpful to talk to someone you trust or seek professional support.
2c. Home comforts
Personalising your room or new home with items that feel comforting and homely. These items may include:
- Indoor plants.
- Cushions, rugs, and throws.
- Mood lighting.
- Art, photographs, or posters.
- Soft toys or keepsakes.
Having familiar items around you may bring some comfort as you adjust to your new environment.
2d. Plan a visit home
Scheduling a future date to visit home might feel reassuring.
Practical reasons, such as being far from home or limited transport options, might mean limiting the frequency of such visits. However, even if a visit is some time away, just having it planned might offer some comfort. Just knowing that on a particular date you'll be able to see friends or family in person, and can visit your favourite places there.
Also, scheduling video or phone calls with people back home might give you something to look forward to and feel less alone. It also overcomes any barriers with transport or distance.
However, it's important that you still make time to build connections with the people in your new location.
2e. Inviting Friends and Family to Visit
The anticipation of having people visit you might help reduce any feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Spending time with people you've known for years can often feel easier and more relaxed than connecting with new people. So, it might feel reassuring to have dates in your diary to see some of your friends or family from home.
I'm aware that if you're a very long way from home, there might be practical barriers to people visiting. In these circumstances, you may still find some benefit in scheduling video or telephone catch-ups.
While it's important to make new connections and build a new community, many people find it beneficial to balance this with the familiarity and enjoyment of reconnecting with the people they have moved away from.
2f. Balancing New Connections and Old
Staying connected with people back home might feel both comforting and important to you. However, it's important to balance this with investing in making new connections where you are now.
Relying totally on contact with those from home might feel tempting. It can feel easy, safer, and more relaxed than trying to connect with new people. However, it comes with the risk of delaying being able to adjust to your new environment.
Some people find being in contact with home a lot, reminds them of what they are missing and reduces their engagement with the new place.
However, it also runs the risk of delaying your ability to adjust to your new surroundings. Contact may not be so helpful. Being in constant contact with home doesn’t give you time to adjust to your new setting. It may just remind you of what you are missing. Being in contact with home may also feel easier and safer than putting yourself out there and meeting new people. It’s finding a balance between keeping your connections with those you care for and are close to back home and setting into your life at uni. Notice how often you contact home and how you feel about this. Then try more frequently or less frequently. See what feels more comfortable for you.
2g. Keep Busy
Keeping busy can sometimes be a useful distraction from homesickness. Depending on the activities, they can also provide opportunities to build new connections and become familiar with the local area.
When keeping busy, I don’t mean the type that leads to burnout or the denial of feelings. It's important to take time to acknowledge what you're going through and engage in tasks which feel nurturing.
Some activities might include:
- Taking walks to see the local area.
- Visit a tourist attraction to learn more about the place.
- Engage in creative activities.
- Write in a journal.
- Doing yoga or meditating.
- Join societies or clubs to meet like-minded people.
- Continue hobbies you already enjoy.
- Sign up for a workshop or class.
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3. Sources of Support
- Support at University:
- Some universities offer pastoral and academic support to those who are experiencing difficulties.
- At Durham University, the colleges have Assistant Principals. It might be helpful to let them know if you’re struggling with homesickness.
- Most Universities will have a time-limited counselling service.
- If you are struggling at work:
- Try speaking to your manager.
- Request a referral to occupational health.
- Some paid and volunteer roles offer a number of counselling sessions through an Employee Assistance Program (EAP).
- Other sources of support:
- Trusted friends or family you can call or visit.
- Befriending services.
- Your GP
- A Therapist.
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Final Words
Homesickness is a common and natural experience when you move somewhere new. Many people draw a sense of security and comfort from a familiar environment, routine, and relationships. Moving to a new place is a major upheaval that can feel unsettling, and it takes time to adjust and settle.
Feeling homesick can develop before the move, at the time of the move, or begin several weeks or months later. Duration and intensity of homesickness vary from person to person. However, there are things that might help ease the transition.
Some people find it reassuring to realise that feeling homesick is a normal response to change. It may be useful to engage in activities that help you connect with your new environment and provide opportunities to get to know new people. It's important to balance this with activities that feel calming and nurturing to support your well-being. Staying in contact with people back home might bring some comfort, but make sure this isn't at the expense of connecting with others in your new area.
If homesickness becomes prolonged or too distressing to manage, it's important to reach out for support.
