Planned and Unplanned Change
Are you actively planning or in the process of making a change in your life?
Has something unexpected happened that has thrust change on you?
Are there changes you want to make but haven’t been able to?
Life means encountering many new beginnings. Some of these are positive and others less so. Some we choose and some come about through circumstance. Change, even the ones we want to make, can feel challenging or unsettling.
This article explores change, the impact it can have on our well-being, and how to cope with it.
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1. New Beginnings
As I started to write this blog, I initially thought of the term ‘new beginnings’ as a positive concept. The idea of starting on a new adventure and heading down a road or a path that is full of excitement and potential. However, I also realise that even the most well-planned journey can be fraught with apprehension, fear, various obstacles, and challenges.
There may be a landslide blocking the way forward, or we somehow end up taking the wrong turn. Even when it is a positive change with exciting prospects, there might also be a sense of frustration, confusion and uncertainty.
Maybe we didn’t even choose to go on this journey, but life's circumstances threw us into it. For example, bereavement, job loss, or relationship breakdown.
Then there are the adventures that are longed for, but we don’t make it out of the door. We cannot find the car keys, or the right boots to wear, or we just don’t know where to start. Or we did get out of the door, but it feels too much, and we want to go running back to the safety of home.
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2. The Emotions of Experiencing Change
If you reflect on past or present changes, you may notice a range of emotions. Even positive and longed-for changes can trigger mixed feelings. These may include one or more of the following:
- Excitement.
- Hope.
- Confusion or overwhelm.
- Helplessness.
- Anger or irritability.
- Fear or anxiety.
- Feeling numb or low mood.
- Sadness or grief.
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3. Resistance to Change
Many of us find a sense of comfort in the familiar and routines, as it makes life feel predictable and secure. Who doesn't want to feel those things? However, life isn't always predictable and unexpected events or uncertainty can disrupt our sense of safety. Some people push against change or try to ignore it, while others may feel overwhelmed and struggle to cope. It may leave a person falling back on negative coping habits that don't help in the long term, such as smoking or drinking.
Then there are the changes you want to make but feel unable to go through with them. You might not know where to begin, the risks feel too great, or the change is way outside of your comfort zone. Keeping things routine and familiar when they don't serve you can provide short-term relief, but it might also leave you feeling stuck. Resisting change can often feel easier than taking steps towards it, even when remaining stuck leaves you feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, or in a situation that isn't good or healthy for you. This struggle is very common, and it highlights how difficult making change can often be.
Is there something in your life right now that you would like to change? Yet you feel unable to act on this? If so, you are not alone. Here are some common reasons for resisting change:
- The potential risks involved.
- The possible impact on others.
- Not knowing where to start.
- Fear of failure.
- Lack of free time.
- It seems like too much time and effort.
- Lack of support.
- Low self-esteem.
- Procrastination.
There can be safety and comfort in keeping things the same, even if that means our growth (personally, professionally, or relationally) is hindered, or our current situation is not good for us.
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4. How to Make The Changes We Want
Here is a step-by-step guide with suggestions on how to make changes:
- What changes do you want to make in your life? For example, increase fitness, start a new hobby, and maintain a regular sleep routine.
- List these in order of how challenging they feel. For example, (1) Maintain a regular sleep routine. (2) Start a new hobby. (3) Increase fitness.
- Start with the one that feels the easiest. This will hopefully feel more manageable and help to build confidence in making changes. In this example, I will use the goal of maintaining a regular sleep routine.
- How do you feel about implementing that change? Determined
- What, if any, blocks are there to making this change? There are occasions when it won’t be possible to keep a regular bedtime. Such as a late work function, or having guests staying.
- How can you manage or overcome these blocks? This may include finding out more information, asking for support, and finding workarounds. Remind myself is okay to have the odd disruption to my routine when it will be more of a hindrance than a help. I can always pick up the routine again the next night. It isn’t all or nothing.
- Can your goal be broken down into smaller sub-tasks? This allows you to recognise the progress you are making and the overall goal feels less intimidating. My first step is to go to bed at the same time most nights. The next task would be to get up at the same time every day, even on days off.
- Set a time for each sub-task and ensure you schedule adequate time in your diary to work towards this. I will aim to be in bed by 11 pm every night starting tomorrow. After two weeks, I will then add setting my wakeup alarm for 7 am.
- If you hit a block, reflect on what happened and what you can do to overcome it. I managed to stick to a regular bedtime, but it is too easy to press the snooze button on the alarm. I will set an alarm that I need to get out of bed to turn off.
Once this new change has been established, reflect or journal on how the process went:
- What worked well?
- What was challenging?
- Was it easier or harder to make the change than you expected?
- Is there anything you’ve learned or can take away from the experience?
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5. How to cope with change
5a. Keep a Routine
Having a routine may help bring a sense of normality and control to what may be a chaotic or difficult time. It might include things like maintaining a regular sleep schedule, having regular meal times, or getting exercise.
5b. Acknowledge Any Changes
It may give you temporary relief to deny change and how you feel about it. However, by not being able to see the full picture, it may mean missing opportunities, the blunting of other emotions, or not being aware of choices we can make in the circumstances. Journaling can sometimes be a useful technique for processing difficult situations and how we feel about them.
5c. Schedule time for Self-Care
Schedule time in your day for activities that feel relaxing or comforting. It could include things like being creative, keeping fit, spending time in nature, or journaling.
5d. Ask For Help
- Are there practical tasks at home or work you can delegate to others?
- Maybe you would benefit from talking to a trusted friend or family member to bounce ideas off or to feel supported. '
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Therapy may also be a useful option for getting help through a difficult transition.
5e. Unhelpful Thinking Patterns
In stressful, upsetting, or difficult circumstances, it is possible for logic to go out of the window. There may be circumstances where our thinking is appropriate to the situation. However, our brains, in an attempt to keep us safe, can lean more toward negative thinking patterns when things feel unsettling or scary.
If you are experiencing negative thoughts about change or new beginnings, you may find it helpful to challenge these:
- List the thoughts you are having.
- Next to each one, write whether these thoughts accurately match the situation.
- Are your thoughts predicting the worst-case scenario?
- If so, are there other possible outcomes?
- Imagine what a friend may say in response to your thoughts.
- What is the evidence for and against the thoughts you are having?
- Start a gratitude diary (see next section for more information on this).
5f. Keeping a Gratitude Diary
Practising gratitude has been linked with an increase in resilience and well-being.
If you feel overwhelmed by change or a new beginning, it can be easy to lose sight of the things you value in your life. If you’re going through a difficult transition, the idea of finding things to be grateful for may sound like an impossible task. The key is to acknowledge the small things. For example, a thoughtful text from a friend, the smell of fresh laundry, or hearing your favourite music.
One way to practice gratitude is to have a special notebook to record things you appreciate. You can also find mobile phone apps for this purpose that will give you reminder notifications. You may find it beneficial to finish your day with three things you are grateful for. This way, it becomes a habit, you have the full day to draw from, and it may help with sleep.
When you record the things you are grateful for, notice if your emotions change in any way (however slight) and where you feel this in your body.
5g. Managing Previous Changes?
- If you’ve experienced a major transition before, it may be helpful to reflect on:
- Did you experience similar thoughts and feelings?
- Was there anything you found helpful in managing these?
- Is there anything you can learn from getting through that time that may be helpful now?
Final Words
Change and major life transitions can often be difficult to manage. We usually maintain a sense of safety from predictability and routines. Any disruption to those can feel unsettling, overwhelming, confusing, or scary.
Some changes happen unexpectedly, whereas others are more planned out. Then some changes are not made, which might leave someone feeling stuck or in a harmful or risky situation. It might sometimes be challenging to acknowledge changes we didn't ask for, and difficult to make changes that may benefit us.
It can take courage to take steps to make major changes or to face difficult situations that disrupt our sense of safety.
I hope some of the suggestions in this blog are helpful. However, if you're struggling with a transition, I suggest you speak to a trusted friend or family member, or a professional (e.g., a GP or a counsellor).
