Feeling Isolated And How To Find Community
I have been reflecting on the modern world and its impact on our sense of community.
Community used to be something that was a natural and intrinsic part of society. During ancient times, our instincts drove us to be around others, and we formed tribes. Being part of a tribe is what enabled us to survive as a species. We needed one another for protection, to build shelter and to obtain food.
In modern society, we don’t face the same challenges as our ancient ancestors did. However, if we don’t feel a part of a community, we can feel isolated. It’s thought that isolation and loneliness can be a large contributing factor to both poor mental and physical health.
Before the industrial revolution, people were born, lived and died within their close-knit communities. People grew up together and knew each other their whole lives. Religion often played an important role in the community. During the 16th century, science became more prominent, and many people started to lose their connection with the spiritual aspects of themselves and the support that organised religion gave them.
Then, with the rise of the Industrial Revolution, transportation links improved. It became easier for people to travel and move away from the locations they’d grown up in. Families and friends moved from the place they’d grown up in to obtain better jobs. As a society, we have become more segregated, individualised and lonelier.
I believe that some of the problems faced in the modern world are due to this lack of community. It’s a time when jobs are unstable, people are forced to move to keep ahead of the game and may end up many miles away from those they know and love. This lack of community can often result in isolation, a low sense of purpose, and poor self-esteem. Loneliness is a serious issue and is often cited as one of the largest causes of premature death.
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My Experiences Of Community
I remember growing up in a little village. It had local village shops where the store owners knew their customers by name. I spent my early years with the same school friends, and I knew all my neighbours. My next-door neighbour was Santa at the local village hall every year, and there were local fundraisers and village fetes that brought residents together. There was a strong sense of camaraderie, support and common purpose.
I moved away from this village at the age of twelve to a larger town. It was a culture shock to go from being part of a community to the more impersonal world of a bigger town. I started a new school where friendships had already been forged. Neighbours kept themselves to themselves, and there was little in the way of community projects. Where I’d once had a community, I now had a much smaller network of people to interact with. I would often lose myself in books to distract myself from feeling lonely.
I went to University at nineteen, and suddenly my social life became a lot richer. I joined societies, and I met people with common interests and goals.
This experience taught me that when the community may no longer be on my doorstep, it was something that was still out there. I’d gone from village life where the community was an organic and natural occurrence, to realising that if I still wanted to feel a part of something, I would need to make an active effort to find it.
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The Empty Self
There was a psychologist and a historian called Philip Cushman who coined the term ‘the empty self’. Cushman said:
"It is empty [the self] in part because of the loss of family, community and tradition. It is a self that seeks the experience of being continually filled up by consuming goods, calories, experiences, politicians, romantic partners and empathic therapists in an attempt to combat the growing alienation and fragmentation of its era."
The lack of a sense of community, Cushman believes, leads people to try to fill this emptiness from external sources. Some people turn to benign sources to try to fill this gap, but others may turn to drugs and alcohol, gambling, shopping addictions, self-harm, and at the worst end of the spectrum, even suicide. [If you feel suicidal, please contact your GP, 111, 999, or reach out to The Samaritans]
There have been many incredible developments and discoveries made throughout the modern age. We have far better medical care, appliances that make life more convenient and incredible technological advancements. Yet such progress has impacted many people's sense of community. Quite often, it’s easier to send a text message or an email than it is to have an actual conversation with someone. Whilst advancements have improved things for many of us, it begs the question of how this has increased individualisation and loneliness and what we can do about it?
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Shifts Towards Addressing Loneliness And Community
I recently heard that GP’s are now prescribing parkrun for depression. Parkrun is a weekly event that is open to both walkers and runners. It takes place at 9 am every Saturday across many UK and international locations. The closest one to me is Durham, starting from Maiden Castle Sports Centre. Parkrun isn’t just about running or walking, it’s about a community that aims to be inclusive and encourages everyone, regardless of your fitness level. If you don't want to run or walk, you'd be welcome as a volunteer.
I was in a cafe recently that had a table in the centre of the room. This table was for people who were on their own but wanted to chat with others. It seemed very well used. I wish this were implemented in more cafes and public places.
The internet makes it easier to find groups and societies that bring people together around common interests. These may be events or interest groups in the local area, or further afield, that meet on video chat.
There are now befriending services for the elderly through organisations such as Silver Line.
Volunteering can be a helpful way to feel connected to the local community. Volunteering often comes with the opportunity to meet others, learn new skills, and feel a part of something.
There are walking groups, Deaf clubs/cafes, men's groups, and social prescribing.
This is not an exhaustive list, but hopefully it will give you some ideas on the type of community groups available.
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Blocks To Joining Social and Community Groups
Whilst community used to be something that was there for us from the moment we were born, it is now often something that has to be sort out. This is not always an easy task if you are struggling with difficult emotions.
Social anxiety can make joining and being part of groups feel uncomfortable or overwhelming.
If you’re feeling lonely, you may also be experiencing low mood. Low mood can make it difficult to get the motivation and energy to find and join in with social or community-based activities.
Sometimes people find it helpful to ring or email some of these groups for more information. Knowing more of what to expect and having someone to welcome you might offer some reassurance.
Counselling might be helpful if you’re feeling lonely or if you’re struggling with low mood or social anxiety. Therapy can be a chance to figure out a new direction or to gain confidence to engage in social situations.
