Counselling vs taking to a friend - What is the difference

Talking to a therapist vs talking to a friend?

You may have arrived at this blog wondering:

‘I am struggling with something at the moment. I have friends and family I can speak to. Would there be any point in seeing a therapist?’

Having a good support network, of friends and or family, is important to our well-being. They can provide us with companionship, advice and mutual support. However, If you find yourself grappling with complex issues or you’re struggling to cope, engaging with a counsellor may offer you additional benefits.

Therapy doesn’t replace the importance of a strong social network, rather it can complement it. There are distinct differences between conversations with those in your personal life and sessions with a trained counsellor. In this article delves into these differences, shedding light on how seeking the guidance of a professional might be a valuable step for your well-being.

Training

You may already have the support of a friend or family member, which can be invaluable during challenging times. Whilst this support can be beneficial, if you’re experiencing persistent or complex issues you may benefit from seeking the assistance of a trained counsellor.

Conscientious therapists undergo extensive training to hone their skills. They would typically hold, at a minimum, a Foundation Degree in the field and maintain membership in a professional body. I hold a master's degree in Counselling & Psychotherapy and am an accredited member of the BACP.

Ongoing professional development is a cornerstone of ethical counselling practice. After qualification, therapists, including myself, engage in continuous personal and professional growth. Membership in reputable organisations like The British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP) mandates a minimum of 30 hours of annual professional development. A standard that is often surpassed by dedicated therapists.

Various therapy models, such as Humanistic or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), exist. Regardless of the model, all counsellors should possess the essential skills to:

• Establish a secure and trusting therapeutic relationship;

• Ensure you feel heard and understood;

• Assist you in exploring and making sense of the reasons for seeking therapy;

• Collaborate on finding coping mechanisms and building resilience.

Objectivity

Objectivity is a key advantage when working with a therapist compared to seeing advice from those in your personal life.

While friends and family undoubtedly have your best interest at heart, their advice may be influenced by their own values, experiences and perspectives. They may offer well-intentioned guidance based on what they’d do in your situation, but it may not align with your worldview. This might leave you feeling stuck, conflicted or misunderstood.

In contrast, a counsellor will strive to offer an objective understanding of your issue. They work to comprehend your perspective and help you navigate your thoughts and feelings without imposing their own beliefs. In therapy, the focus is on empowering you to discover what’s best for yourself.

Therapists may offer suggestions, but they should not dictate what you should do. It’s important that any decisions you make align with your authentic wants and needs.

You are not a burden

It’s important for you to be able to express your thoughts and feelings without reservation. If you’re worried about burdening those close to you, a qualified counsellor is equipped to hear and support you through your challenges.

A skilled therapist, supported by their own professional supervision and personal development, can genuinely sit with you in your struggles without being burdened. Your emotions and experiences are valid, and therapy provides you with a safe space for you to express them freely, without concerns about overwhelming your counsellor.

Confidentiality

Confidentiality is an important aspect of counselling, for creating a safe and secure space for open communication. In the interests of transparency, specific exceptions to this should be outlined to you at the start of therapy.

It’s worth noting that friends and family may not always be able to provide the same level of confidentiality. In therapy, your privacy is at the forefront so you can share your thoughts and feelings with confidence.

Therapy is about you

During a session, the therapist’s focus is on understanding you and your unique experiences. Sessions are dedicated to understanding you better, and while a therapist may occasionally offer a relevant self-disclosure, the primary focus is on your needs and concerns.

Conversations with friends and family can sometimes take unexpected turns, with the attention shifting away from your experiences. You might find yourself in a supportive role for them or feel a sense of obligation to reciprocate the support you’ve received.

In private therapy, you’re investing in the therapist’s time and experience. There’s no need to worry that you're taking up their time, feel pressured in the conversation going in a particular direction, or experience a lack of acknowledgement. Your therapy sessions are exclusively for your benefit.

Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is an essential aspect of the therapeutic process. Therapists typically offer support exclusively during appointment times for several reasons:

• Manage challenging emotions - Therapy sessions can sometimes stir up intense emotions. By confining the exploration of issues to specific times, the therapist aims to help you contain and navigate any potential intensity.

• Building resistance - The ultimate goal of therapy is to empower you to work through challenges independently, fostering resilience. Regular, open-ended contact between sessions can inadvertently create reliance on the therapist and hinder the development of coping mechanisms.

• Therapist’s wellbeing - Maintaining a boundary between professional and personal life is a crucial aspect of a therapist’s self-care. This boundary setting reflects the importance of modelling behaviours that contribute to overall well-being.

Whilst therapists adhere to these boundaries, friends and family may offer more immediate and informal support. Friends and family may be available for a phone call, message, or meeting up for a chat.

What if I don’t have a support network

Navigating life without a support network can be challenging. I understand that not everyone has the luxury of a robust circle of friends and family. Whilst I’ve mentioned the advantages of having a circle of close relationships, I recognise that loneliness is a prevalent issue and making social connections can be difficult for many.

Therapy offers a supportive environment to delve into the obstacles hindering the formation of a network and explore ways to address these. Whether you’re seeking to expand your social circle or explore ways of coping with loneliness, therapy has the potential to offer valuable insight and support on this journey.

In summary

Establishing a strong support network is a crucial aspect of maintaining our overall well-being. Therapy has the potential to play a significant role in reaching and maintaining a sustained state of well-being. Here is a breakdown of the distinction between confiding in a counsellor and conversing with a friend:

Friends and family:

• Practical help and companionship - Friends and family may be able to provide practical assistance, companionship, encouragement and support. They share their insights and provide support based on their own experiences, potentially offering valuable perspectives or guidance.

• Deepen relationships - Sharing your thoughts and feelings with loved ones may strengthen relationships as it fosters deeper understanding.

• Availability - Friends and family members may be more available to you than a therapist, allowing for spontaneous communications by phone, email, or instant messaging.

• Limitations - However, there are limitations. Interruptions, sharing their own difficulties, or lack of time and emotional capacity may leave you feeling confused, misunderstood or not heard.

• Cost and availability - Speaking to friends and family may be more accessible. Private therapists often involve costs, and non-private therapists usually have long waiting lists and offer a limited number of sessions.

A therapist:

• Focused sessions - In therapy, you’re the focus of the sessions, allowing for concentrated attention on your own issues. This differs from talking with those in your personal life, which often involves mutual sharing.

• Non-judgemental - Therapy offers you a safe space where you can speak openly without judgment;

• No worry about feeling a burden - You may hold back from sharing the full extent of your issues with those close to you for fear of overwhelming them. A therapist may be moved by what you share, but they won’t be burdened by it.

• Objectivity - Therapists remain objective to allow them to understand you from your own perspective. This allows you the space to explore directions that feel right for you, free from external influences.

• Confidentiality - Counselling provides a different level of confidentiality than a friend or family member might be able to;

• Specialised skills - Therapists undergo extensive training and ongoing personal and professional development. This means they can offer you their skills to assist you in working through issues, developing coping strategies or making difficult decisions;

• Boundaries - Therapists set boundaries to help you to contain the potential emotional intensity of the sessions. Boundaries are also important so therapists can maintain their own well-being and model good self-care.

Seeking Therapy?

If you have any questions about therapy or you’d like to book an initial appointment please get in contact with me. I offer appointments in Durham in-person, by telephone or online.